Charlie's Angels... of DEATH: Chapter 10 -- A Situation

     "Burkie, we have a problem," Candy said, taking a seat next to him at the kitchen table before stopping short.  "WHAT are you wearing?"

     Burkie paused with a spoonful of Kyle's special chorizo stew halfway to his mouth.  "What?  This is my western shirt.  It has snaps!" he said defensively.

     "It's PAISLEY," Mira pointed out, making a snoodly face.

     "I get comments on this shirt every time I wear it," Burkie said with a pout.  "Anyway, what's the problem?"

     "Problem?" Candy asked in a daze.

     "Yes," Burkie said, exasperated.  "You said you have a problem?"

     "Sorry," Candy said.  "Your shirt is very... distracting..." she trailed off.

     "Our problem is Lauren," Meiling started.  "It's a... difficult time for her right now...  Wow, that shirt really is distracting."

     "What she means to say," Shannon said, sitting down across from him, "is that Lauren is hormonal."

     Burkie dropped his spoon and started coughing.  Jen clapped him hard on the back.  "Sorry, some chorizo went down the wrong pipe... uh, how is this a problem?" he asked.  "Doesn't this happen, uh... monthly?"

     "Well, yeah," Mira said.  "But we have a situation taking shape.  Lauren has very specific cravings, and we have no way to satisfy them.  Her emergency pint of ice cream is gone and everyone with access to a car is out of town right now.  Things are going to start getting ugly really quickly."

     "Can't Kyle make her something?" Burkie asked.

     "Nope," Jen said.  "He's teaching advanced hand-to-hand combat to law enforcement as we speak, and from there, he's hopping on a flight to L.A.  He's got a DJ gig tonight, some movie premiere after-party..."

     "Oh," Burkie said, his face brightening.  "Is it 'The Avengers?'  I really hope it is.  If it is, can he get me RDJ's autograph?  He is BRILLIANT as Tony Stark..."

     "BURKIE!  FOCUS!"  Mira pounded the table.

     "Sorry," Burkie said sheepishly.  "What about James?"

     "Charlie gave him leave to visit his family," Candy replied.  "I think he's supposed to be back in two days when Charlie is back from... wherever he's at..."

     "But," Shannon interjected, "that doesn't help us right now.  Do you want to be the one to tell Lauren that we don't have any Chubby Hubby ice cream?  Cuz I don't...  She gets mean."

     "Okay," Burkie said.  "What about... what's his Native American name?  'Struts in Onesies?'  The guy with the creative facial hair?  The weapons specialist?"

     "Oh," Meiling said.  "Most of us just call him Briggs.  He's in Texas on a mission."

     "Same kind a mission you were just on?" Burkie asked with an arched eyebrow.

     "Nope," Jen said.  "He's sniffing out fire ants in Texas.  Some mission to save, like... endangered horny toads, or something?"

     "Well darn!" Burkie said, slumping in his seat.  "He and I were going to work on carving a new bow for me to try at the range out back."  He frowned, remembering the situation at hand.  "Well can't Lauren or one of you just take the car and go to the store?"

     "No," Mira said.  "There's only one vehicle right now, and we're not allowed to take it out by ourselves after last time..."

     "I feel a story coming on," Burkie said expectantly.

     "Well," Candy started, "it started innocently enough, with nachos..."

     "Nachos turned into fishbowl margaritas," Shannon continued.  "By the way, I think your shirt is snazzy..."

     "Thank you," Burkie said with a smile.  "So... how did you all manage to convince the bartenders to serve you when you're all underage?" Burkie asked.

     "Not all of us, just Lauren.  She can be persuasive, and she REALLY wanted to eat the gummy Swedish fish at the bottom of the bowls..." Mira trailed off.

     "So, yeah.  We all got in trouble by association, and now we aren't allowed to take the car out by ourselves," Meiling finished.  "That leaves you.  You're the only thing protecting us from Lauren getting upset over some trivial thing and hulking out on us. ('The Avengers,' in theaters Friday!) Ice cream is the only thing that will pacify her."

     Burkie gulped.  "But we only have access to the... one vehicle."  He trailed off.

     "What's wrong?" Jen asked.  "She's beautiful and sleek and stocked with awesome tunes..."

     "Most guys would give their right arm to take her for a spin," Candy smiled encouragingly.

     "She's a very... intimidating vehicle," Burkie faltered.  "But... I guess I am more afraid of what might happen if we don't have a pint of Chubby Hubby on hand for Lauren..."  Burkie's shoulders sagged visibly.  "Okay, someone fetch me the keys."

     Jen and Shannon high-fived.

     "Good choice, Burkie," Mira said with a smile.  "Trust us.  You don't want to see Lauren angry.  You wouldn't like her when she's angry..."

* * * * * * *

     "So," Burkie said nervously, "how does this work?"

     "You just click the button on the electric key fob like so," Candy demonstrated, and then handed the key back to Burkie.

     "But I thought everything was voice activated," he said with confusion.

     "Yeah, once you're in!" Mira said flippantly.  "How is she going to hear you when she's still in the garage?"

     The shiny black Suburban known as "CarCar" zoomed up towards them and then screeched to a halt, swinging around to stop inches from their feet in a stunt move pulled right from those crappy "Fast and the Furious" movies.

     "What up, kids?" CarCar said as she popped her doors open.  Everyone filed in except Burkie, who circled the vehicle with is mouth open.

     CarCar was named by Mira when she was little, didn't know the difference between a car and an SUV, and wasn't extremely creative when it came to naming things.  Despite all that, CarCar never seemed to mind and had been driving the girls to jobs (or the mall) faithfully for several years, no operator necessary.  The only thing CarCar *did* mind was being compared to that snooty hunk of junk from that '80s show starring The Hoff... which was what usually happened the first time someone new rode in her.

     "No British accent?" Burkie asked.

     "CarCar" Jen piped in quickly.  "I'm dying for some tunes.  Maybe some... Foxy Shazam.  Can you hook us up?"

     "I don't know if I'm feeling Foxy today, Jen.  The Darkness, perhaps?  They're fun and upbeat." CarCar paused.  "Who's the n00b in the western wear?"

     "These days I answer to Burkie.  Wait...  You can see me?" Burkie asked in disbelief.

     "Uh, YEAH," CarCar replied mockingly.  "I can see objects in a 100-foot radius.  That's how I manage to get these girls safely to their jobs (or the mall)."

     Burkie finally stopped gawking and climbed into the driver's seat.  "I suppose that makes sense...  It's just so... cool!" he said with a stupid grin on his face.

     "Yeah, I am pretty amazing," CarCar said, her tone softening.  "So... where to?"

     "Grocery store," Shannon chimed in, "before Lauren hulks out."

     "Ah yes," CarCar replied.  "We don't want to see her angry...  By the way, Burkie," CarCar started.  "I don't like your shirt... 

     Burkie's face fell.

     "I LOVE IT!" CarCar yelled, peeling out as she roared down the driveway.